carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
