He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
