apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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