apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So much rum. So many feels.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Randomize
