Me. At least after what I've been through.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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