she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Porn is love you can see.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
