DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize