It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
