Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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