I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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