you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
