Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
