i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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