I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My penis needs a shock collar
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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