I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You are a genius and a whore.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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