I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
