I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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