I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
