what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
