I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
