Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
