it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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