yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
