he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
