3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
