she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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