Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
