u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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