I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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