please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
