Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
