UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
