We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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