he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
