did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
