Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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