Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
