Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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