Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
