For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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