You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
