There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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