I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
