I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
