i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
and you fell through a lawn chair
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
