dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
