I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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