We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
third nipple confirmed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
