Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well I just put wine in my tea
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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