Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
