we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
