When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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