I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
