Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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