operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
