I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
