Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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