meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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