New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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