I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
