grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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