yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
