Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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