dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
