Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
