i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
