ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
