but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
